S17 Ep4 – Goth Kids 3: Dawn of the Posers

Pretty neat episode this week.

South Park continues to teach me the privileged lingo of first-world brats, delivering it in a cute parody of religious divisions, the farcical nature of entertainment these days and the power of the mind to cripple itself.

The little discussion over the library table about the role of Poe in founding goths, vamps or emos was quite a cute imitation of the Jews’, Christians and Muslims tussle over Jesus – I wonder if the fanatics think that Trey and Matt make a good point, if they’re violently insulted or if they’re not able to notice it at all?

I disagree with the rather dull non-goth/vamp/emos who think that they’re all the same though: there is a huge difference between someone who hates life and someone who hates themselves. The way they reach their decisions is totally and utterly different, but the decisions that they reach will both be based in hopelessness and hate, so that, overall, in the end, the result is the same. So all we Christians, Jews and Muslims, we goths, vamps and emos should live together peacefully because we share an ends!

But seriously, though, emos suck. If you hate yourself, go fix yourself up, douchebag! Read a few self-help novels, go find yourself a shrink, just do something about it, you fucking vegetable!

I loved how despite all of the goths, vamps, E.A.P and that one gardener taking the whole emo-takeover conspiracy so seriously, Trey and Matt turned the whole thing into a stupid reality stunt. It would probably be too far to consider this as a nod to the massive amount of power that the media has over the way we see the world, but media entertainment is definitely sinking into deeper dependency on the shock-and-awe tactic.

Henrietta’s turnaround from emo to goth again was hilarious.

Henrietta: Nnnoooo, there’s an organic spore in my head that made me switch cliques so easily.
Michael: No, you just kind of did it on your own.
Henrietta: Oh my Gawd. [closes her eyes, drops her pen on the table, and pinches her nose at the bridge] This is so… em-barrassing.
Pete: Ahh, hang on. What I meant to say was [flips his hair] we just infiltrated the Emo lair and… we torched the plant leader.

She picked the healthiest way to deal with that kind of revelation – it’s an intelligent and practise artist of doublethink, who can keep their world from self-destructing for so long.


This still. You can see the summoning is happening right in the middle between the literature and science sections – the meeting of the two human arts is magic, religion and the occult. And, of course, our random chime at every major debate, who has no real investment in the issue and argues to hear his own voice. He’s objective enough to do pretty spot-on analyses though.

And, coming up next: Ike’s balls drop!


Stan: Disciprine


Stan: Dad, Dad, Stop!
Randy: [turns around, dropping an empty bottle] I’m sorry, son! I’m off the wagon!
Stan: Dad, you don’t have to do this! You have the power. You haven’t drank since seeing the statue.
Randy: But the statue wasn’t a miracle!
Stan: Yeah. The statue wasn’t a miracle, Dad. So that means you did it. That means you didn’t have a drink for five days all on your own.
Randy: You’re right, Stan. If God didn’t make me stop drinking then… I did. Maybe… Maybe I can force myself to never drink again. [throws off all his drinks, and they shatter on the pavement.]
Stan: No!
Randy: No??
Stan: Dad, you like to drink. So have a drink once in a while. Have two. If you devote your whole life to completely avoiding something you like, then that thing still controls your life and, ‘n you’ve never learned any discipline at all.
Randy: But, maybe… I’m just the kind of person who needs to have it all or nothing.
Stan: Naw. All or nothing is easy. But learning to drink a little bit, responsibly, that’sa disciprine. Disciprine… come from within. [Randy looks at Stan for a moment, then walks up to his side and kneels next to him.]
Randy: How did I manage to raise such a smart kid?
Stan: I’ve had a great teacher.
Randy: Thanks son.
Stan: No, not you, my karate teacher. He’s really smart.
Randy: Oh. Well, tell you what: let’s leave the car here, walk home, and watch the game. Like to have another beer or two.


– S9 Ep14, South Park Scriptorium

South Park S5 Ep2: Cripple Fight!

I love South Park. As this is my first post about South Park proper, I just want y’all to know that.

For the past two weeks, I have been marathoning South Park, watching episode after episode in order and season after season except backwards. South Park is consistently great, and their dud episodes are few and far between. They hit several issues at once – as if there isn’t only one thing going on in the world at one time – and they never betray their cast, despite the range that their subjects need to cover. Cartman, Kyle, Stan and Kenny feel real – each have their strengths and foibles: Cartman, the successful douchebag; Kyle, the moral realist – or, the everyday man; Stan, the spotlight-loving missionary; and Kenny, the pure devotee to modern hedonism. I could go on about Randy Marsh, Butters and I’m sure most of the other minor characters have the same kind of substance in them – they are the reactions to Kyle, Stan, Cartman and Kenny, and consequently take their form in the logic behind the boys’ characters – but I’m a little exhausted from writing so much over the past 24 hours. Hopefully, one day in the future, I will trust myself to save this paragraph as a draft and have the motivation to come back to write a full-fledged general praises of South Park but, for now, I’ll just post in stream-of-consciousness style.

I cringed a little at the episode’s namesake event – it was a pitiful sight to watch, but like the spectating mob, I just couldn’t turn away. The boys’ macabre desire to further injure each other despite suffering under the disabilities they already had and their ruthless and unashamed exploitation of each others’ handicaps transfixed the whole audience – both within and without the screen. Were they shocked that people could be so consumed by blood-lust that they’d rather fight than cooperate for mutual benefit in an environment unforgiving of their physical capabilities? Is our need to feel individual and meaningful so desperate that we would rather die than live with people too like ourselves? Or maybe I’m being judgemental. For people with disabilities to not allow their disability to hold them back, they should be able to fight, love and carouse as much as any able-bodied person; but is it really possible, or right, for them to ignore their disability to follow a lifestyle that doesn’t suit their natural capabilities?

When the news mistook the huge crowds turning out to see the cripple fight for supporters of anti-discrimination of gays in Scouts, television watchers all over the US, including original dissidents Randy Marsh and Kenny’s dad, began to follow the movement to allow gays in Scouts and persecute the Scout elders or whatever they’re called.

It was a neat little trick, putting Randy Marsh and Kenny’s dad next to each other on the same team – showing that the middle class are just hicks in better clothing with both subject to television rule.

Everything wraps up when the fabulous Big Gay Al refuses to forcibly take his place in the Scouts, preserving the rights of clubs to decide their selection criteria for membership. And so, the hero of the episode is Big Gay Al, the ultra-accepting, all-loving model citizen who rejects ideological subjugation by the majority for genuine understanding brought about by communication. I think I’m a little bit in love. I wish I were a man. And 2D.

But questions still remain unanswered: whatever happened to the Scouts in later episodes? How did the guys spend five seasons in 3rd Grade and 12 seasons in 4th Grade, with at least 14 Christmases in between? South Park, I have faith that you’ll reveal the answers to all of these in future episodes.

And the much talked about Cripple Fight:

DP: Park is the new Simpsons

On this fated day, the 22nd October 2013, it was handed down, the key to divining the phrase of this millenium: pick out the 4th and 14th words (that aren’t “the” or “an”) for the phrase: “_____ is the new _____.”

Obviously, “Park” refers to South Park, and this phrase points us to the new critic of the age: South Park! The Simpsons had their run pre-2000 and from their pilot episode, they were spectacular and unremitting in their attacks on the paradoxes of our increasingly- specialising society. However, as the information age grew into its majority, The Simpsons lost traction on the current, with news speeding around the world – if not in seconds, then in mere minutes. And so it became that topical news lasted a couple of months before being replaced in the headlines and The Simpsons’ seasonal production timetable produced obsolete commentaries on forgotten events. South Park’s 6-day episode turnover is the solution to dated satire and all in the twenty-first century should watch South Park!

The above paragraph is clearly written by a deluded, cartoon-obsessed maniac, and what “Park is the new Simpsons” really means is that the next great satire is to come from the Koreans! “Park” is a typical last name for the Korean family, and our TVs are next going to educate us about the nuclear Korean family and the fun they get up to because Korea – or, South Korea – is the next designer of global culture. First, Gangnam Style; next, The Parks. With half the world dependent on them and their Samsung Galaxies, the mind-frame of the average Korean is quickly becoming relevant to every developed household, and this next cultural juggernaut will help us navigate our new lives.

Please, trust the xenophobes read an innocent, English phrase as a statement about race; “Park is the new Simpsons” clearly refers to how if we wish to survive, the modern world must turn from gross consumerism and indoor entertainment to enjoying nature and the close-knit community that gathers at the local park. Yes, “Park is the new Simpsons” is read better as “The park is the new Simpsons”. With environmental concerns at their height as global warming continues and extreme weather manifesting all over the world, the phrase of the millennium can only be referring to our solution for environmental annihilation. We must wrench our bottoms from our couches and go to our nearest park! Smell the roses! Feel the sunshine on our faces! Feel the grass beneath our feet! Or plant some roses in those sorry excuses for parks and comb the grass for syringes and shit before we walk barefoot in it.