Now, seeing as I have only had this blog for a month and have only been using it for a couple of days, I can confidently say that I have never been nervous to publish a blog post.
Not having many posts plays a role in this carefree state of mind, but the main reason why I haven’t been nervous about posting to this blog is because I have the readership of a tentative one. I’m going to hold out the hope that once in a while, through Daily Prompt, people stumble across my meagre blog and raise my readership from zero.
I want people to read my writing though. I want this blog to be a place for me to publish and to be listened to and debated by people interested in the topics I write about. I will say now, honestly, that in my afk life, I am lonely, lost, confused and desperately grasping at straws. I’m not meeting the people I want to meet, I don’t know how to find those people, and I don’t know where the person I aspire to be would fit in. So, it seems, much like the scientists foolishly broadcasting images of Earth into galaxies where creatures of unknown intent must reside, I am broadcasting myself over the internet in a way that I never have in person.
Apropos of publishing nerves, they have only arisen for me when publishing meant to reveal myself to someone whose writing style or person I admire. These nerves are bred by neurosis – specifically, I believe, by denying feelings of inferiority so that instead of improving on shortcomings, they are Ieft to ferment under piles of self-delusion until those retrograde skills are tested. The shattering reality check that is publishing your work for the world to see levels all of the accumulated false ego, leaving your pathetic skills laid bare to the light and the abuses of the environment.
Well, no more! I will write for the internet, that unmistaking scribe. I will write honestly about myself and my weaknesses to this entity that never forgets. I will write, knowing that although no one may be reading now, what I’m doing today may come to bite me in the ass (no, I don’t care that the dictionary definition for “ass” is “donkey”) in the future. I trust that, by baring my shortcomings now, I will work on them until I can be proud of the shortcomings that I had overcome.
To reiterate previous posts, I will release my writing to the internet. I will release an uncompromising editor on my work and thus, release a distinct voice for each of my pieces. Long live Daily Prompt! Long live mighty aspirations!
Oh, and, I’m a teeny bit nervous about posting this, so I think it is relevant to say that after I post this, I will feel relieved – much like how you would feel stripping down to your birthday suit on a hot summer’s day. Oh, Australia.